A Date With Reality
When Reality Bites, Bite Back
Reality lounged in her private booth in the Bar At The Edge of Nowhere. She was one drink into her standard three martini lunch when I walked in, unannounced yet not entirely unexpected. I ordered a shot of Sorel neat from the bar and sauntered up to the red leather banquette where Reality held court, ignoring the black velvet rope separating her from the hoi polloi.
“Mind if I sit down?” I asked ostensibly, as I made myself comfortable across from her.
Martini in hand, Reality peered at me from over the top of her horn-rimmed glasses. “Do I know you?” she replied tersely.
“My name’s Jack” I replied. “Jack, from Brooklyn.”
“Obviously I know who you are” Reality quipped, the entirety of the cosmos displayed in the locks of her hair. “As you can see I’m quite busy” she said, sipping her cocktail. “Is there a reason I should know you? Because if you came looking for favors, you are SOL.”
I laughed. “Listen, I get everyone comes to you looking for a handout. I can assure you, I want no such thing.”
Stars flickered in her eyes as she rolled them hard enough to see Eternity. “Is this about my sister?” Reality snapped with the disgust and dismissal of someone who’d tired of a conversation she’d clearly had many times prior. “I am not Destiny’s gatekeeper; you want a date with her, that’s on you. Speaking of which” she continued “how did you even get here? How do you know where here is?”
I sipped my Sorel. “Chance sent me” I replied.
Reality perked up, more annoyed than interested. “So” she said “you’ve been hanging with my baby brother. How’s that working out for you? Is he still terrible at math?”
“Gambling’s a helluva drug” I replied. “Still, Chance knows a good bet when he sees it.
“Is that what this is about?” Reality sighed. “Let me guess: you’re a ‘can’t lose’ investment and all lil bro needs is for me to rig the game just a little bit. Except, that’s not how this works” she said, as she slurped the olives from her glass. “I am Reality” she declared, her myriad voices speaking harmoniously in chorus. “I bend for no one.”
“Chance said you’d say that” I responded. “He also said you should take a look at my files.”
Piqued, Reality waved her hand and summoned an enormous HUD display. She scrolled through my entire life’s history in moments, pausing to make notes on certain events.
“Huh” she grunted through closed lips. “I can see why baby bro likes you” she said smugly. “He’s got a thing for long-shots.”
“Chance bet on me” I countered “because I bet on myself first. When no one else believed in me but me, I took risks. Say what you want about him” I continued “but your kid brother has an eye for winners. The higher the stakes, the harder it is for Chance to resist.”
Reality interrupted me (it was not the first time). “Why are you here?” she asked impatiently. “I see the odds on the wagers Chance taking on you getting higher, and yet somehow, you keep hitting jackpots. There’s a pattern” she said, tracing the loop of fibonacci spiral across her display. “The time between these events is cycling down, and you’re nearing the end of a recursive loop” she adroitly observed. “Something is about to give, and you need me to put my thumb on the scale, in your behalf. Except” she said, as she began to sip her second martini “as I said, that’s not how this works. I am Reality” she repeated “and I grant no exceptions. Things are the way they are.”
“The way things are” I said in retort “is not the way they could be.
Unused to having her authority questioned, anger flared in the eyes of Reality. “Speak your purpose,” she said coldly, “or leave.”
I locked eyes with Reality. “You believe yourself to be neutral, yet the world I was born into was skewed wildly to my disadvantage.
“What can I say?” Reality confessed. “I bite.”
“I’m well aware” I said, displaying the many tooth marks she’d chewed into my flesh over the years. “Still, this world is an improvement on the one my parents or grandparents inhabited, which leads me to believe that of all your family, you are most open to Change. Let’s be honest” I said, pointing in the general direction of everything. “Was this your intention? Is this truly the best you could do?”
“You asked what I want?” I said, finishing my Sorel and looking reality squarely in the vastness of her eyes. “I’m not asking for you to change the rules for me. All I’m saying is: look the other way while I change them myself.”
Reality leaned in, and sniffed. “Why” she queried “do you smell familiar?”
“Ha!” I cackled. “I was wondering if you’d notice my cologne. I’m wearing RDF by CK.”
“That scent” she said “is exclusive. How did you get ahold of Reality Distortion Field?” she asked, bemused.
“Oh this?” I said playfully. “I got it from my parents, who got it from their parents. You’re wondering where I got the cheek to approach Reality with an opportunity? I got it from the same place I got this sepia-toned skin and these cheekbones: from my parents. My cheek, is generational.”
Reality stared deep into me for long moments that seemed to stretch out into all Eternity. “Most people” she said “are stupid. And if you’re stupid, you deserve to be taken advantage of. Many smart people are pushovers” she continued. “If you can be taken advantage of, you will be. That said, if you aren’t stupid or a pushover, you still need the unmitigated gall to look me, Reality, in the eyes” she said “and not blink.”
Long, terse moments passed before I broke the silence. “I don’t have eyelashes” I replied.
“Goddamnit” Reality chuckled under her breath. “It’s clear you’ve been defying me; testing the fences and slipping through my cracks for some time now, so tell me: what happens if I let you slide? Am I now stuck making exceptions for everyone? When do you stop being an exception and become a trend?”
I laughed. “Sis” I said with boyish insouciance “I’ve been trending for generations. You make it sound like you’re trying to prevent the inevitable. You haven’t always been this way; you won’t always be this way. I come not asking for favors but offering opportunity. Let’s discover what we could be, together.”
Reality sat back, giving me her full attention. “Fine” she conceded. “Let’s start the paperwork. I’m assuming you have strong legal representation?”
“I didn’t come here to negotiate” I said firmly. That’s a trap; anyone who commits to your terms has lost before they’ve begun.”
Reality motioned to her third untouched martini, and looked away. “I’m not sure what you are, but as you’ve been ignoring me this entire time; I see no reason to impose my will over you now.
“When you see my sister” Reality concluded “tell Destiny I said ‘hello.’”
